Letters from Mordor
________________________

Issue Twenty two, this twenty nineth day of July, 2004

Breweries, pissups, for the organization of

Wotcha cocks.

Part two of the FAMIS/EBP/WTFIGO saga.


Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 08:49:37 +0100
To: all <message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: EBP Status

>From the portal
----
The fix to resolve the timeout issue has now been implemented and FAMIS R/3 is back on-line, although EBP is still unavailable. Please continue to use the system, contacting the Help Desk if you have any problems
----

As EBP is still down you will need to make arrangements with John Dean for emergency orders.

Regards Paul.

Situation normal, AFU. But soon, we reached a crunch point:


Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 12:49:43 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: ebp

Please see below reference EBP.

PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON TO ALL STAFFMESSAGE FROM SIMON WALKEREBP suspended until further noticeTo avoid further disruption to MRC scientists, we have decided to suspendon-line requisitioning until a stable EBP solution can be delivered. LogicaCMG have not yet been able to resolve all the technical issues whichmade it necessary to withdraw access to EBP. SAP specialists are continuingto provide support to LogicaCMG technical staff who are working to deliver astable EBP solution. The remainder of FAMIS continues in service, Units should use direct inputof purchase orders and other supply transactions so that the provision ofgoods and services can be sustained. Please do not attempt to raiserequisitions using EBP until you are asked to do so. All parties are aware of the critical importance of ensuring that a stableEBP solution is established to support the work of MRC scientists.We will advise you of further developments as soon as there is news toreport. Simon Walker

Richard Jenkinson

In other words, use FAMIS, but not to raise external requisitions. Well, OK, but until this whole sorry affair started I had no need to use FAMIS at all, now I have to use it, but do manual ordering. . . eh?

Time for the big guns:


Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 14:20:56 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Update on FAMIS

Dear All

You will have seen from emails this morning that the EBP system for requisitioning is not working. Since we are not sure when this will be functioning we will be reverting to manual requisitions. Mike Turpin will be issuing fuller guidance this afternoon - please wait for this guidance which is intended to ensure we can offer as effective a service as possible, within the current limitations of the system, and also to do all we can to deal with the most urgent items first.

You should be aware that the main R3 system, which Purchasing use to create purchase orders, is also causing problems so manual requisitions may take longer than we would like to be processed, but we will do all we can.

I know it is very frustrating, and I can only ask you to continue to be patient.

Megan Davies

The EBP ordering system was, sometime around now, suspended for 'three months'.


Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 17:20:47 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk, and a bunch of others
Subject: Manual Requisitions during the suspension of EBP

Dear All

Following the suspension of EBP, it has been decided to revert to raising requisitions manually. From tomorrow morning, you will find a requisition form set up on the internal website. It will be available on both the EBP training page and the stores website. The form will have a very familiar appearance and technically will be in PDF format. Please complete the required form on the screen, the new FAMIS cost centre or WBSe codes must be entered - not the old Oracle project codes - and print the requisition. The hard copy should then be signed by the approving authority as appropriate, unless self-approval rights apply, and then passed to the Centre Purchasing Section. There, the order will be directly created on the FAMIS/SAP R3 system and thereafter the remaining processing - receipting, invoice matching will be on the new system.

Please note, some problems are still being experienced with the R3 system. Unexpected loss of contact with the system is making progress slow but we have succeeded in operating the system for all the fundamental transactions. Due to your patience and the fact that only essential orders have ben processed recently, we are expecting a reasonably heavy demand and therefore ask that, in the short term, only requisitions for items that are considered important to continuing research activities are placed.

Stores over the counter system continues as before, with goods issues through Oracle using old codes.

Mike Turpin

'a very familiar appearance'? It's exactly the same as the ones in the ordering books we used to use. So . . . we have to fill in the form - if you have Acrobat you can do it on the computer, otherwise you have to print it off and do it by hand - take it down to stores, where they manually copy what you've written and enter it into their computer.

And they call this progress. But wait, there's more:


Date: Thu, 08 Jul 2004 10:34:22 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Manual purchase requisitions

Dear All

Following the suspension of EBP, a manual requisition procedure was introduced with a PDF format form being made available on the internal website - both the EBP training page and stores website. I am advised by staff in the Purchasing Office that only around 50% of requisitions are being completed electronically in this way, others are still being handwritten using forms from the old books and very many requistitions are still quoting old project codes not the new WBSe or cost centre numbers.

Please will you use the new forms and complete them electronically. It is good practice at getting used to a method of completion that will become standard, it is also very much easier for Purchasing staff to read them.

Will you also please ensure that the new codes are entered on the requisition. This is a mandatory requirement. If you do not know your code, please contact your Divisional Administrator, Unit Administrator, Linda Ingham or me. I have asked Purchasing staff that, from tomorrow morning, they return any requisitions that are not properly coded.

Mike Turpin

Har har. Oh, remind me what 'clarification' means, please:


Date: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 09:47:08 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Manual Requisitions

Dear All

Re the "new" temporary manual requisition system, I have been asked to clarify the phrase in my e-mail yesterday that stated that the requisition form should be "signed by the approving authority as appropriate, unless self-approval rights apply."

For the LMB, all requisitioning staff are granted self-approval rights to a req value of M-£150; above M-£150, reqs to the value of M-£1,000 should be signed by Group Leaders and those above M-£1,000 by Heads of Division. All requisitions for equipment should be referred to Paul Loveday, who will obtain the necessary approval.

For the Centre, all reqs should be approved by the new Cost Centre approvers, irrespective of value and equipment reqs should be referred to Paul Loveday.

I hope that this clarifies my statement.

Mike Turpin Finance & Accounts Manager

Oh, and did I say 'progress'? At least with the old system you'd get the pink slip back as a receipt (usually after the goods had arrived, but at least they tried). But now, after an email I sent to my tame accounts droid (it's good to know the right people. Especially if you want things in a hurry)


Date: Tue, 20 Jul 2004 09:24:32 +0100
To: Richard Grant <rpg@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Orders

Hi Richard,

At this point in time we are not able to send confirmations due to the extra workload created by the new system problems.

John Dean is working on ideas to overcome the situation.

JD is working on it? We're doomed.

But if you really want spin, you should see what Big Cheeses have to say on the MRC portal (another waste of space):

Message from the Auris Partnership

Back in September 2003 the MRC and LogicaCMG embarked upon a 10 year strategic partnership (the Auris Partnership) aimed at delivering a range of Information Systems and Business Change Services to the Council. The services were designed to bring significant business benefits to the MRC in line with the Council's strategic priorities and this remains the clear objective of both partners.

Up until now, for a variety of reasons, the general quality of the delivered services has not been up to the standard expected and the MRC have not been in a position to achieve the desired business benefits and improvements. Not withstanding that there are a number of reasons for this, there is no doubt that the majority of MRC staff have been disappointed by the services delivered and there is an urgent need for significant improvements to be made by LogicaCMG.

We have therefore jointly established, over and above the normal day to day service and programme activities, a project aimed at addressing and correcting all the problems and issues with the services provided by LogicaCMG. Planned remedial actions will be made over the next three months by which time it is anticipated that the services being received by the MRC will fully meet the Council's expectations. To oversee this remedial work, a project steering board has been established that will regularly report progress to Nick Winterton. The objectives of the recovery project are simple. They are to ensure that:

We remain committed to ensuring that the Auris Partnership provides the high standards of service expected and we will keep you informed of our progress in endeavouring to achieve this objective via the Portal.

Stuart Aitken, Chief Information Officer, MRC

David Tolson, Business Manager, LogicaCMG

July 2004

In any organization worthy of the name, LogicaCMG would have been giving their marching orders and pants, sued off.

At least someone has a sense of humour about it:


Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2004 15:20:59 +0100
To: all <message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk> cc: Ian.Slack@mrc-dunn.cam.ac.uk, Brian Richardson <bar@hutchison-mrc.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: Stores stock levels

For anybody using the stores search on the web, please note I have set all stock levels to zero. As we are unable to get any stock level information out of the new system at present they were all wrong anyway.

Paul Hart


Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 15:03:40 +0100
To: all <message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: Barcodes in stores

In order to help with the issuing of stores items using the new WBS elements we have installed barcode readers in the LMB Stores (and soon will be installing them in the Dunn Stores as well). You will, in the next few days, receive a card that has your name and WBS element or cost centre and a barcode on it. Please could you use this card when visiting stores once FAMIS is working as they can then just swipe it under the scanner to read your details. This will speed up stores issues greatly and keep waiting times to a minimum.

Please keep your card in a safe place where it will not be damaged or worn - your pocket or wallet is not a good place - as once the barcodes get damaged they will require re-printing. Divisional Administrators will have new software to print new cards in the next week or two.

Regards Paul.

What Paul doesn't say is that MRC/Logica/'They' didn't want the stores staff to use barcodes. That's right, They wanted the stores folks to enter each WBS element, all 15 digits of it, by hand, for each and every item you get from stores. Huh?

And today I got an email saying one of the help calls I'd logged was still open, it's been a long time, and was it resolved to my satisfaction? I know why they're saying this - the more closed help tickets, the better their performance reviews - and vice versa. What could I say? The system is unusable - how can I close the ticket?

By the way, we have to have training to handle manuals:


Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 14:55:31 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Manual Handling Training

Dear All

The Safety Section will be holding a Manual Handling training course in the near future (see attached for course outline). Please contact me if you are interested in attending.

Regards.

Carol

It's a damn' shame they don't train people in stores to deal with suspicious packages. . .


Date: Wed, 14 Jul 2004 14:36:38 +0100
To: CIMR List <cimr-staff@lists.cam.ac.uk>, message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk, reception@hutchison-mrc.cam.ac.uk, everybody@mrc-dunn.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Unknown Delivery

Hello Everybody, Here in the CIMR Stores we have a unidentified cold parcel delivered by Interlink Express. This parcel has a poor address and has no name or telephone number. The parcel contains 2 tubes of an unknown substance, on these tubes there is written JIES G/07104 and #11 SCL+L 28/06/04 there are no storage conditions either. This is all the information we have,if it is yours please come and collect it from the CIMR stores. Thanks

Dale Butler
Deputy Stores Manager

If I were the DSM I'd have had the bomb squad there, 5 minutes ago.

Twat.

Finally, we need training to deal with computers. This email:


Date: Thu, 08 Jul 2004 14:38:05 +0100
To: all <message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: Passwords

Any requests to MRC helpdesk that are remotely to do with passwords or account settings should now be met with a security challenge response.

All users of the portal should have received some months ago an email asking them to reply with some security details - if you did not do this then helpdesk will not have the security details to check and you will not be able change any account details. Therefore please make sure you have replied to the email you were sent - if not email helpdesk and ask them to send you another copy.

Paul Hart

was followed by a plaintive plea from Sauron himself:


To: Paul Hart <pdh@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>, all <message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: Passwords

Dear Paul,

We have all been receiving so many e-mails about this wretched process that it is impossible to keep track of what is going on. I know this mess is not your fault, but can you please, when sending out messages like the last one, tell us how to find the particular message or, if we can't find it, how to contact the necessary people to get a new password, etc.

Thanks, Sauron.

Buggerit. I'm on holiday in two days.

taking it all a little too seriously,

Richard

© 2003-5 RPG All rights reserved. These works are opiniative and satirical in nature and should be taken with large doses of NaCl. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without prior permission from the copyright holder. Opinions are those of the author only and do not represent those of the employing or other body. You are NOT welcome to link to this page or anchors within this page. Use at your own risk. No responsibility will be accepted for use or misuse of the information or software provided. Cheques should be drawn on a UK bank and made payable to Richard P. Grant. Ex VAT, E&OE

Shamelessly reusing code since 1995.