Issue Twenty one, this twentieth day of June, 2004

'Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?'

Hello exiles.

Today's missive has the blessing of Sauron himself. Well, sort of, in a roundabout way. He said that we should 'go public' with the dire and dreadful doings that have developed in the Muddled Results Club. So that's not really a blessing of the 'Letters', as such, but as close as I'm ever going to get - or would like to get, anyhoo.

So, what's the story, morning glory? We're having a new ordering system installed. Instead of writing our requirements on a piece of paper, taking it to Purchasing and letting the trolls that dwell therein deal with it, we're now computerized. We have a website that we fill in, every last detail, and magically our goods appear. Of course it's all planned so that Admin has to do less work, and we have to do more. But that's par, innit?

After a bit of digging I discovered that the supplier of the online ordering system is some IT company with servers in Amsterdam. That boded ill from the start - an off the shelf package that needed tailoring, and from a bunch of crack-heads in the Netherlands? Hmm. Still, I am nothing if not optimistic. But, come 'go live' day, Wednesday 2nd June, nothing has happened. Five days later, we get this email:

Date: Mon, 07 Jun 2004 10:58:21 +0100
To: message-list (& others)
Subject: FAMIS - Delay to GoLive

We have just received a message from the FAMIS Team informing us that the system is unable to Go Live today. Despite working over the week-end, the team has been unable to complete the loading of all master data. They are working the resolve the problem and achieve Go Live asap.

Mike Turpin Finance & Accounts Manager MRC Centre, Cambridge

well, there's a surprise. Who set the launch date? Did they really work all weekend (poor babies)? Let's see what happens next. (EBP is the business end of the system, called FAMIS. I think. It's difficult to be sure.)

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 2004 12:4
Subject: FAMIS - Problem

Dear All

At present there appears to be access to the EBP (Goods Requisitioning/Approval) area of FAMIS but we have not been able to get into the main R3 back-end area of the system that includes Purchase Ordering. This seems to be due to password authentications problems that are being worked on.

We are aware that some users have raised requisitions via EBP but have no knowledge of how many exist in th system nor can we convert them into orders as R3 is down. We have no knowledge of how long this problem may persist but I am concerned that reqs are stacking up and that you believe that they are being actioned.

Until futher notice, please refrain from using EBP. If an order is genuinely urgent, please adopt the procedures that have been in place recently and raise a paper req signed by Director or Head of Division (LMB) and pass to Purchasing Dept.

I hope that I can give you better news asap.

Mike

Okayyyy. That's clear. What's 'genuinely urgent'? If we order something it's because we need it to work, shirley? FF to Thursday, same week:

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 11:43:13 +0100
To: message-list (& others)
Subject: FAMIS - Update on situation

We are making some progress. We can now access the R3 back-end system but there are some problems and checks on master data that we need to complete before we can allow full access to either EBP Requisitioning/Approval system or the full R3 system.

Please continue to operate today as you have been recently. Stores continues to be supported by Oracle and only emergency orders signed by Director/Head of Division can be submitted to Purchasing. Please do not use FAMIS, either EBP or R3 until I e-mail you to that effect.

Please also note that, even after EBP is up and running, we anticipate some ongoing problems with using it for Stores requisitions. This is because the stock balances loaded onto FAMIS were as at 27 May (Go Live was intended to be 2 June). Therefore at the delayed Go Live, incorrect balances will be on the system and will not be correct until all goods receipts and issues since 27 May have been input. Therefore, for a while, FAMIS will have incorrect stock balances and therefore availability information will be unreliable. We hope that this will be resolved as quickly as possible and I will advise you of this.

I will send you an update later today

Mike

What? Hasn't this system been used anywhere before? Was it not tested? Why are the stock balances two weeks out of date? Mr Turpin is as good as his word though, and later that same day

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 17:48:56 +0100
To: message-list (& others)
Subject: FAMIS

Dear All

Whilst some progress is being made, we still have a number of issues to resolve and we have placed calls with the help desk that we wish to see resolved before Going Live. I know that NIMR are in the same position and we are also liaising with other units.

Go Live will not be possible tomorrow (Friday).

Mike

Wha'? They've 'placed calls with the help desk'? I thought only end users did that once a system was in place and working. Hang on, this *isn't* a finished product, is it? It's a beta test.

Next Monday, however;

Date: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:09:39 +0100
To: message-list (& others)
Subject: FAMIS

Dear All

Please use EBP to issue electronic requisitions from tomorrow (Tuesday). Please only use them for free-text entry (Specials) and do not use the system's drop down lists. The reason for this is that we wish to avoid putting any stores requisitions through the EBP system. Stores balances are not up to date and, until we are in control of that situation, we do not want stores items being requested by mistake via drop down lists that could be compared to erroneous balances and generate unwanted stock re-orders from suppliers.

Stores will be open as usual tomorrow but will still be supported by Oracle - old codes still in use. We plan to move the over the counter services to the new system on Wednesday - I will confirm this tomorrow - and new codes will be needed then.

Mike

Clear as bloody mud, as usual. Let me briefly explain what he means by codes: we have (had?) project codes as you well know - 15024, right? Now we have a 'WBS' number, that looks somethign like 1000.1.001.3.0045.666 or something.

So, what happened Tuesday? We get an email from the admin computing officer, Richard Jenkinson (whose email is 'dika'. Hmm):

Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 12:45:17 +0100 From: Richard Jenkinson <dika@mrc-centre.cam.ac.uk>
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: EBP Self Approval Limits

Dear All

For the moment the ability to self approve requisitions up to £150 is not working so all requisitions will have to be approved. The problems with this functionality are being worked on and hopefully it will be available shortly.

Regards

Richard

What that means is that Sauron has to electronically approve all orders, not just the ones over our 'allowed' limit. And you know how useless he is with day to day computing. I do attempt to order a couple of items on Tuesday.

It takes me about two hours.

It takes about 5 clicks to even get to the ordering form - go to the 'Portal' (another rant entirely), pull down 'My Community' - my God, how Microsoft is that? *Community*? Eh? - choose the FAMIS thing, hit another FAMIS thing, and finally get through to the EBP 'activity area' (sheesh . . .) and javascript (oh shit no) clicks and whirrs and opens a new window THAT RESIZES TO COVER MY ENTIRE FUCKING SCREEN (stercus, stercus, stercus, moriturus sum).

There's a whole lot of shit in there which makes it quite apparent that whoever is responsible for the stinking, foetid heap of dingo's kidneys that is this mess doesn't know what the hell they're doing (did someone say crack-headed code monkeys? I believe they might have), to such an extent that ordering 100g of sodium deoxycholate is going to cost 40 grand, because the form can not distinguish between pack size and number of items. Great. And the free text field is 40 characters only, so that's no bloody good, and Sigma, *SIGMA* furrfu, isn't a known supplier, and WHERE IN THE HELL DO I ENTER A CATALOGUE NUMBER?

I filed eight bug reports. Go me.

Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 17:29:32 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: FAMIS

Dear All

Stores over the counter service will continue to supported by Oracle on Wednesday. Old project codes, please.

Mike

Date: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 15:50:32 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: FAMIS Sender: owner-message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk Precedence: bulk

Dear All

We still have an issue to resolve before we can go live on over the counter stores issues on FAMIS. On Thursday, it will be business as usual with Oracle support.

Hah. At least Stores works.

Mike

Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:24:42 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: EBP log on

Dear all

A lot of you have been having problems logging on to EBP and have found the system not working. I have been informed it is down and have no idea when it will be back. I do hope however this will be tommorow.

One side effect of this is that when you try to log on some of you may be getting a different log on screen presented that does not work either. This is an error and should be ignored and closed. It should not appear when the sytem is funtioning again.

Sorry for the disruption and many thanks for your incredible forebearance.

Richard

Richard Jenkinson Adminstration Computing Officer Medical Research Council Cambridge Centre

Forbearance? The HoD saw me attacking a computer with a bamboo cane, and he calls that 'forbearance'?

I got a return on my bug reports by 'phone. Chap called Steve Lucas. Turns out that he knows as little about it as I do, that he can't get into the system because it's down, and that's he been transferred to tech. support from somewhere else, and it's becoming blindingly obviously that there has been a superlatively total lack of competent management and no one knows what the fuck is going on.

But, someone still has a sense of humour:

Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:55:14 +0100
To: wanted-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: FAMIS solutions manager

Dear lab,

In light of our frustrations with FAMIS, I decided to find the person responsible for the current mplementation of the system. He is MRC "solutions manager" Nicholas Grey. According to John Blanchfield, (Auris helpdesk), and Peter Vlatko (MRC head office) he is the one to contact with your complaints, helpful suggestions, general queries about how it all went wrong, etc. The details are below:

Email: nick.grey@headoffice.mrc.ac.uk

Tel: 0207 446 4663

best regards and happy ordering,

Anan Ragab.

Oh boy. The dietary waste is surely about to impact the air circulation device . . .

Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 17:12:10 +0100
To: wanted-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: FAMIS Solutions manager

Dear All

I refer to the recently released e-mail from Anan Ragab. I am uncertain of the exact motives behind the e-mail but can assure you all that it will serve no practical purpose if Nick Grey is bombarded with unhelpful e-mails. I can assure you that each member of the Team working on FAMIS is individually working very hard to rectify problems. Thet are also all aware of the difficulties that users are experiencing with the system. The route for highlighting problems locally has been flagged up to you all. Please work through the EBP cascade trainers or Richard Jenkinson or Paul Hart.

If you wish to vent your understandable frustration at the inconveniences that the system is causing you, please do so by e-mailing Megan Davies.

Mike

Mike Turpin Finance & Accounts Manager MRC Centre, Cambridge Tel: 01223 402279

Hoohoo! Look at that email a moment: 'each member of the Team working on FAMIS is individually working very hard to rectify problems'. Leaving aside that these kind of problems should have been sorted out before going anywhere near 'live', I notice that people are working 'individually'. So, Mike; there _is_ no leadership, then?

Time for some light relief. Our old friend John Dean, I wonder if he's on the take from these guys at all?

Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 17:09:02 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk and a shed-load of others
Subject: EBP PROBLEMS GENERAL QUERIES, URGENT REQUESTS

PLEASE NOTE

IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF HOW TO OPERATE EBP FOR CREATING PURCHASE REQUESTS ,PLEASE, IN THE FIRST INSTANCE, CONTACT YOUR CASCADE TRAINERS [DETAILS ON LMB HOMEPAGE] FOR SYSTEM ERRORS ETC PLEASAE CONTACT RICHARD JENKINSON OR IN HIS ABSENCE PAUL HART.

FOR ANY OTHER EXTREMELY URGENT PURCHASING ISSUES, CHASE UPS ETC, PLEASE DIRECT THEM TO MY OFFICE TO EITHER ROBERT ANDERSON OR MYSELF. PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB THE PROCESSING SECTION IN BASEMENT 12/13 AS WE NEED TO FOCUS ON GETTING TO GRIPS AND CLEARING THE OUTSTANDING REQUESTS ON THE FAMIS SYSTEM

FOR EXTREMELY URGENT REQUESTS RAISED UNDER EBP, PLEASE EMAIL ME THE REQUEST NUMBER IN ORDER THAT THEY CAN BE URGENTLY PROCESSED. WHERE EBP IS NOT AVAILABLE, PLEASE COMPLETE MANUAL ORDER REQEST WITH THE APPROPIATE APPROVAL AND BRING OR FAX IT TO MY OFFICE. 01223 252984

THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR HELP AND CONSIDERATION.

John

John Dean MRC Centre

Request number? How can I get at the request number if the system is down, and I missed hitting 'print'??

Now here's a strange one. Mr Turpin released an email to the entire Unit that had gone to him personally. A private email, that everyone got to see? If I were Daniel I'd be well hacked off (and why did this go to the 'wanted' list?):

Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 17:29:25 +0100
To: wanted-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Re: FAMIS Solutions manager (fwd)

Dear All

I'm uncertain if the message from Daniel is tongue in cheek or serious! Taking it seriously, the answer, of course, is no. Megan has been asked to feed back user reaction to head office, so she is a logical recipient for all your views and (helpful) comments.

Mike

---------- Forwarded Message ----------
Date: 17 June 2004 17:20 +0100 From: Daniel Schlieper <daniel@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk>
To: Mike Turpin <mat@mrc-centre.cam.ac.uk>
Subject: Re: FAMIS Solutions manager

Dear Mike,

are you saying that Megan Davis is responsible for the mess?

Daniel

And, bringing this part of the sorry tale to an even sorrier end:

Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 18:05:31 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: FAMIS/EBP

Dear All

Nearly there with Stores, we believe. Need to do more work tomorrow and hope that we can go live with FAMIS/SAP for over the counter issues on Monday. Friday counter issues continue under old system.

Mike

Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 09:29:08 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: EBP unavailable today (Friday)

Dear All, EBP will probably not be available today. Details of the notice posted on the portal this morning.

Senior management from both MRC Corporate Finance and the AURIS Programme have been working closely with LogicaCMG to restore EBP to service. All parties are aware of the critical importance and urgency of ensuring that a stable EBP solution is established to support the work of MRC's scientists.

LogicaCMG inform us that technical issues arising from the application of a SAP service patch made it necessary to withdraw access to EBP. They regret that MRC management and users were not informed of this in a more timely manner. A specialist from SAP is on site working with LogicaCMG technical staff to ensure a stable solution is put in place to resolve this incident. However, it is not possible to guarantee that access to EBP will be available today - Friday, 18th June.

To avoid further disruption to MRC's core business until a tested EBP solution is restored to service, Units are being advised to fallback to direct input of purchase orders and other supply transactions so that supply of goods and services can be sustained. Therefore please do not attempt on Friday to raise requisitions using EBP. Unit Administrators will advise on the alternative procedure to be followed locally to meet urgent supply needs.

We will advise you on Monday when EBP is expected to be restored to service

Lindsay Shure Auris Service Delivery Manager ----

Regards Paul. (Hart)

Hah. Blaming a service patch now. Hah.

Dika repeated the same message to us all for some unknown reason, and tomorrow once more we go forth to see what awaits:

Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 15:36:53 +0100
To: message-list@mrc-lmb.cam.ac.uk
Subject: Famis stores issues

Dear All

Stores issues will continue to be made using the old Oracle system for Monday the 21st of June. We are hoping once a small issue with Cambridge University sales is resolved to start using FAMIS for stores issues on Tuesday 22nd.

Thanks for your co-operation and patience.

Dika

I'm quite exhausted. I'll let you know if we can buy anything this side of Christmas . . .

baring all in public,

Richard