Issue Three, this twenty first day of March, 2003
'The Clouds of War'
Greetings from the Dark Kingdom! This has been a week in which the sun broke through the smokes that rise from the eternal fires of Mount Doom - the Dark Lord mounted a winged steed and left to complete his nefarious business elsewhere. It is not entirely coincidental that Mordor has basked in sunshine this past week.
Allegedly, his destination was Sydney, but it is strange that his departure coincided with the announcement that Australian Special Forces had been dispatched to the Gulf, and indeed, a mere two days after he got there, war broke out. We can not escape the conclusion that Sauron has gone in person to oversee the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. This would also explain the frequent trips to the US West coast - these were obviously training missions.
Anyway, in the Dark Lord's absence, Grasshopper (AKA Neil the Hippy) has done his best to fill his (admittedly capacious) shoes. Neil claimed that there was a hole in his own life, and Sauron filled it.
I am very worried.
Despite Grasshopper's attempt to seduce us <shudder> we overpowered him and went to Pizza Hut for an 'All you can eat' special instead of having a lab meeting. This was most civilized, and was enlivened by the company of an Exile (Hi Rosanna!). Unfortunately she only had one Bacardi Breezer and did not dance on the tables. But we live in hope and there is yet time for such a display.
The joy we felt was somewhat tempered by the knowledge that there is only one whole week left before the return of the Dark Lord, and presumably the clouds and rain with him. There may yet be hope: apparently the flight to Sydney was only 1/4 full (or is that 3/4 empty?), so 'it seems only a matter of time before United folds. Let's hope they can stagger on for a few more months' [sic]. I am very much afraid, however, that the light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash.
That's all for this week. I'm now off to have be overtaken by events.
Enjoying the freedom,
Richard (aka Dr Watson).