An email via my Nature Network profile:
sir ,
this is ranjit from india
a biotech student persuing b.tech
sir i want to know about carrier of a scientist
n sope of biotech in most developed countries n developing countries
i shall be very thankfull to u 4 this
um… Harvard?
Those of you who have been paying attention will remember that I’ve been invited to London at the end of August. Between you, me and the wireless router, this is a bit of a jolly.
There’s the rather intriguing Blogging Conference organized by Nature, and the possibility of a Web 2.0 conference in Southampton the day after. Mr JM wouldn’t pay for me to go to them (and I don’t really blame him) but I did have the gall to approach the Dean of Science and ask for money.
Somewhat to my surprise, he agreed (after a ‘vigorous’ management meeting) — on condition that the School stumped up an equal forty ponies of your Ostraylian Dorrars. And even more to my surprise, the HoD agreed in a matter of minutes.
I have to prostitute myself for the Faculty and the Department, but it means I get a few days in London, perhaps give a seminar at my old gaff, and get to see my family — especially my dad, on his 64th birthday. Chuffed, we is. My tickets are booked.
All that remains is for me to figure out how to make the Dean and Arthur, King of the MMBians, feel like they’ve got their money’s worth.
So in a sudden fit of milky human kindness I’m going to celebrate one of our inner circle’s success.
(The Black Knight does not consider the previous sentence to be among his finest work.)
I am delighted to report that Brunhilde ven den Berg from our school was awarded an Excellence in Teaching Citation at the Faculty of Science Prizes Ceremony last night.
Yay! Someone who actually does something got a prize!
Drinks on Brunhilde then, chaps?
Normally, I try to restrain myself from expressing petty complaints about the behaviour of my colleagues, knowing as I well know that my own actions are most certainly not beyond reproach. However, I find myself very much in the mood for a rant, having discovered yesterday – at a somewhat inopportune moment – that someone has stolen the cart for the autoclave, a cart so specialized in its design, that it can really serve no other purpose than assisting me in the removal of 8 litres of superheated liquid from said machine. The occasion forced me to ponder the profoundly philosophical query, “What the Fuck?”
And since I am in a mood to relieve myself of annoyances by the time tested method of griping, and knowing as I do of the Black Knight’s affection for imprecise communication, I thought I might give vent to a peeve peculiar to my department. The Department of Pharmacology is split between two buildings. In the Blackburn Building, it occupies portions of the 2nd (which is inexplicably located below ground level) and 3rd floors. In the adjacent Bosch Building, it occupies the 2nd floor (which is indeed the second level of the building). I reside on the 2nd floor of the Blackburn Building, which by the by has an additional four levels above me containing all manner of useful resources (excluding, at present, the autoclave).
For reasons unknown and beyond my imagining, everyone in the Blackburn Building refers to the portions of the department located in the Bosch Building as “upstairs”, rather than “next door”. Thus when someone asks, “Are you going upstairs to autoclave your media?” and I reply in the affirmative, there has not been any reliable exchange of information. This phenomenon has resulted in countless confused conversations regarding the locations of various items and personnel.
Granted, the 2nd level of the Bosch Building is technically located on a higher physical plane than the 2nd level of the Blackburn Building, but calling it “upstairs” seems like a shockingly ambiguous description of its location. I cannot help but imagine that the 3rd floor occupants of the Blackburn Building must feel marginalized in some small way by this tradition. No one has been able to offer any consolation by way of an explanation, resorting instead to the frequently echoed excuse “that is just the way it has always been done” – a phrase so freely tossed about that it could fuel an entire rant of its own.
Fortunately, my hostile emotions are now dissipated, thus I shall retreat to my 2nd floor dungeon to perform some outdated task while I wait for the autoclave to cool down.
Word reaches TheCardinal that a portrait of a venerable Professor in our department has been comissioned at the modest sum of, er, $18,000.
A greater sum was presumably spent on the new portrait of a senior administrative academic that has just popped up the foyer of the Edward Ford building.
TheCardinal would like to advise students with some artistic talent to ditch their scientific career and get a job as academic portrait painter. There are clearly enough egos around to provide a rich customer base…..
Viking Biochemist writes:
Our lab meeting was invaded this morning by corporate zombies who wanted to show us our “new brand”. Our logo looks like a computer power switch but is supposed to be “a cheeky reminder of a copyright logo” which we then stick over every image in our ads.
Apparently we now own babies, butterflies, eggs, tablets and bees.
This is all so when our granny asks where we work, we don’t have to say
“It’s like the Garvan”, because of course that’s what we all did.… and this is the place I will have on my CV for the rest of my life as
where I did my PhD. Maybe I should add a note:
I started at the Centenary before they turned evilFortunately, there is a good trashy action movie out today, so I can go
and sooth my soul with a giant mechatronic man smashing stuff for two hours.
This reminds me of a strange email that went to everyone on the University HR list a few days ago, the understanding of which yet eludes me:
In 2002 the University determined that dissemination of all text-based, third-party copyright materials required for student course work would be carried out by the Library. However, a decentralised approach was adopted in the case of images, diagrams and artistic works included in lecture presentations and lecture notes. It was agreed that these could be located on individual course web sites and on learning management systems.
The University is party to a new agreement with the Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) which places greater emphasis on the monitoring process and in the future details of all images, diagrams and artistic works communicated to students under Part VB of the Copyright Act will have to be recorded during any monitoring of electronic copying and communication exercise.
It continues in that vein ad nauseam. And I am thoroughly sick of corporatization, wank, and arsepaperwork.
Following on from the Black Knight’s misgivings on awards, TheCardinal hears murmurings from his contacts on the review panel of a prestigious Teaching Award. Guess how many applicants there are?
er…
one.
Not that that could ever happen in RESEARCH, of course. …. surely the rumour about how a certain Professor not-too-far from here managed to get awarded a ‘medal’ by the National Biochemical Society couldn’t be true? Could it? naaarrr…
The stupidity (and hubris) of Admin continues, I am reminded. And we’re not immune from it in the cage: the director of Academic Administration of the science faculties wants us to dob in all our mates (and spenda shedload of time on it):
The Faculty of Science is developing a database of Faculty International Collaborations to inform its future international strategies.
Academic staff across the Faculty are regularly collaborating with colleagues from around the world on a wide variety of research projects, but the information is not systematically captured by the Faculty and hence opportunities are missed to support, develop and enhance these collaborations.
It would be greatly appreciated if you could provide me with brief details of your three most significant international collaborations between 2005 and 2008 (and into the future if you have plans):
Who your collaborators are and which institutions they are from;
What was the project?
If any funding was received to support the project then where from and how much;
What the outcomes were (eg the number of publications but not details on which journals).
A collation of this data across the Faculty will not only provide the basis for future international strategies but also inform the budgeting process.
Thank you in anticipation of a great response.
What’s telling is (apart from the inability to use a plural such as ‘data’ correctly and the concept of ‘inform’ing non-sentient entities) the line about ‘outcomes’. These people just have no bloody clue, and they pay our salary.
But maybe we are finally getting fed up with all this. An email from the manager of the Science Awareness Section of the Department of Innovation, Industry, Science and Research (let’s not even think about how well they all sit together) begins
You may be aware that the nomination period for the 2008 Prime Minister’s Prizes for Science closes on 9 May.
To date, the number of nominations received has been disappointing, and is clearly not reflective of the number of potentially suitable nominees currently active in research.
It continues
We had hoped, in fact, to see an increase in the number of nominations for the Malcolm McIntosh Prize for Physical Scientist of the Year and Science Minister’s Prize for Life Scientist of the Year, as a result of an amendment to the eligibility criteria for these Prizes.
The prize consists of a shiny medallion, a lapel pin, and a fifty grand ‘grant’, which apparently you’re free to spend on anything you want, but it would take a brave young post-doc to take that literally and buy, say, a sports car.
The thing is, Philip, we just don’t give a rat’s arse.
To all researchers, postgraduate students and research assistants,
Would you like to help motivate today’s science students to build a bigger
and brighter generation of Australian researchers?
No I would not. There’s too much competition for jobs already.
The Student Research Scheme is a national program that offers selected
senior secondary science students, the opportunity to complete a brief
research project under the supervision of practising researchers in
laboratories, offices and field study areas.
Unlike work experience, students are presented with a problem or an idea,
and undertake a minimum of 20 hours of real research to develop their own
sets of results and findings in order to complete the project. The project
can be a small part of ongoing research, or a project specially designed for
the scheme.
Hang on… actually, you know, this would be the perfect chance to poison their little minds against a career in science for ever.
Mwah hah hah hah.
TheCardinal has been lying awake at night worrying about a vexed issue. He was beginning to feel that there was no hope… that people of great diplomacy and insight would never step forward to circumnavigate the torturous labyrinth of political intrigue and history underlying this great problem…. but GOOD NEWS reached us today from UberControl….
We are pleased to advise you that University Venues and the University of Sydney Union’s Venues Collection are merging to form The University of Sydney Venue Collection.This new venture will provide a single streamlined venue booking service and professional catering and events management services
At last we can sleep soundly….