Gems from uk.comp.sys.mac




'Apple Juice'

Re: PC World/Dixons/Currys to sell iMac

26 Oct 1998 21:29:25 GMT

Will van Zwanenberg  wrote:

> You guys don't get it do you??? I will spell it out: YOU DON'T ONLY
> THEM!!!
> > Please stop congratulating yourself over thiMac. it's a wonderful machine,
> you'll get no disagreement from me but don't be fooled into thinking your
> probalems are over becuae of it - they'r not!!!

You are starting to sound like the nightmare Mac fan I encountered while
demonstrating the iMac. He had sweaty forehead and and a dirty sweater.
I was talking to a a nice family. They were going to buy a computer. He
grabbed their attention in a split second as I turned to start up
ClarisWorks, and spent the next five minutes leaning right into their
faces and talking in exclamation marks about THE OBVIOUS SUPERIORITY OF
family were visibly alarmed, and he sweated and frothed at them while
they shrank back.

When you begin to write in normal sentences, and when you decide that
other people deserve the consideration of such courtesies as not being
shouted at, and when you bother to take some care over your spelling (or
use a spell-checker) perhaps you'll find that Apple's management are
more inclined to take notice of your thoughts.

I would hate to have you anywhere near me if I were trying to persuade
somebody of something you happened to believe in. I lost the nice
family, because just before I decided that I was going to have to step
in and tell my frothing nightmare to shut up and get lost, their nerve
broke and they walked off backwards. I just had time to press a leaflet
into their trembling hands as they went. Fortunately the frother himself
departed a moment later, so I didn't have to hurt his feelings.

The last thing we want is noisy harangue-outangs scaring off the game,
so do be a good fellow and hush down a bit.

Daniele Procida

Re: I just think i'll prepare to be flamed

Wed, 30 Aug 2000 16:24:27 +0100

JR wrote:

> Don't know the first thing about all that......
> I was thinking more about your average home user like me.

Please tick all relevant boxes:

1. I am here

[] to cause trouble
[] for the craic
[] how did I get here?
[] to take part in Usenet discussions of mutual interest

2. Apple Macs

[] suck and you're all lusers
[] look tasty but I don't think I could eat a whole one
[] don't use 'em myself, mate
[] what's the point? eh? eh?

3. I

[] do [] do not [] would never [] might one day [] would like to 

own a Macintosh

4. Mac users

[] should stop
[] do what they like
[] are too stupid to use anything more complicated than a one-button
[] are less likely to suffer from incorrectly polarised teeth

5. I thought my contributions to this newsgroup would

[] start an interesting discussion
[] get up people's noses
[] open the swollen eyes of the pitiful Mac users to the true state of a
computer industry which has long since passed them by
[] shit! who's been fucking around with my computer while I had lunch?

6 (if you tick the following box, you need not answer any of the
previous questions)

[] no, honest, I wasn't out to cause trouble. I really did just wonder
why you people used Macs when nearly everyone else seems to use Windows
PCs. Sorry, I didn't know you get idiots in here a couple of times a
week trying to start rows; really, I didn't. It's just that I don't know
that much about Macs and was curious. Yeah, I suppose my question did
look a bit provocative. If you'll let me, perhaos I could ask it again,
stated more carefully. Oh thanks. OK then - as I said, I don't know much
about Macs. Why do you like and use Macs instead of Windows PCs? You
can't run Windows programs on Macs, can you? Isn't their future in
jeopardy? I just wondered because although nearly everyone I know uses
PCs I keep seeing advertisments in newspapers and on TV for Macs.
Anyway, sorry about the earlier misunderstanding, and thanks for letting
me have a second chance.

Joel Hopwood

The ISP That Has No Clue

1 Jun 2001 15:53:09 GMT

***This message contains swearing. OK?

This is me letting off steam following an incident with the business ISP
my company hosts with (not for much longer).

[Another encounter with The ISP That Has No Clue]

How can anyone be so fucking clueless?

I just spoke to NAME DELETED - it was never our mail server that went
down. It was "another" one. So now back to original settings, all mail
sat patiently waiting to be picked up. Everything working. I said this
to them:

me: "tell me, tho, i am a bit worried in case it is our server that goes
down next time. Don't you have a secondary server?"

"No , as i exlpained before, this would mean doing email load balancing
[?] which requires very expensive software that costs around £15-£16000
[!] and you're paying what - £30 a month for your email. It just doesn't
stack up I'm afraid".

[right, pal, now you've implied that I'm not PAYING enough i'll come out
and say it]

me: "Oh, right. I actually just meant specifying a secondary mail server
in the DNS so that if anything ever happens to the main box we don't
lose all our mail; it gets held on the secondary ".

"As I explained you haven't lost all your mail, it gets bounced back to
the sender"

me: "Ah. well, that's lost in my book. I just wondered why you don't do
what I do with my own domains which is to specify a secondary mail
server in the DNS so that if anything happens to the primary one you
don't lose everything. No software required [you FUCK NUT]".

"Well as i say that is very, very expensive but no doubt we will look at
doing it in the future"

me: "Thank you".

what  a bunch of fucking incompetent fuckwits. this guy could not shell
script his way of an ls process. I mean for fuck's sake! £16 grand to
set up a "load-balancing email system" whatever the blue rinsed fuck
that is. I am going to work in the IT busness for no reason other than
to stop people like this ruining the internet, jesus h christ it makes
me mad. 

Bring me the cluebat. thank you. Now, Mr Clueless, bend over and take
your punishment. Are you ready? good. [raises cluebat]

The internet [SMACK!] is not [SMACK!] what Microsoft says it is [SMACK!]
it has actually [SMACK!] been designed by some very clever people
[CRACK!] *not* to fuck up [SMACK!] when one fucking [SMACK!] machine
goes down [WHACK!] you fucking cretin [SMACK!]. 

[picks up prime brand new NT Server installation] Now you see this? This
is NOT THE INTERNET! [hurls server out of window, no, scratch that,
*through* the window [CRASH! tinkle tinkle]. 

Now, [dusts hands] stop fucking snivelling and don't you dare address a
fucking word to me until you've read and understood *this* [WHUMP! A
well-thumbed copy of /Sendmail v4.2/ (Margolis, 5th ed.) lands by his
battered body]. 

You'll be working from this machine here [indicates battered old
Teletype vt100 terminal]. I don't expect to hear from you for quite a
while. [exits room laughing manically].

Alan Link

Re: Netscape 7.0P

1 Jul 2002 19:11:08 GMT

User-Agent: Microsoft-Outlook-Express-Macintosh-Edition/5.02.2022

Why bother with Netscrape when there are perfectly good news readers out
there ?

> From: David Kennedy 
> Organization: Ealing Management
> Newsgroups: uk.comp.sys.mac
> Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 09:12:36 +0100
> Subject: Netscape 7.0P
> Anyone else tried using the newsreader on this ?
> No problems using it - so far anyway - except [you knew that was
> coming], the filters don't seem to work. I've tried setting them to
> delete / mark as read etc. but they still have the same effect - nothing.

Phillip Allen

Deleting other users' home folders

Fri, 30 Aug 2002 03:12:03 +0100

Ok, so I made a mistake.

I foolishly accepted the default choice when I deleted some other users
from OSX 10.1.5 tonight (being a smartarsed Admin, and all  that), and
assigned the deletions to SysAdmin instead of myself. Mea culpa, and I
proffer no mitigating circumstances. I'm too tired to argue any more.

After coming to terms with my now oh-so-obvious idiocy, I discovered
(via the truth of KB doc 106840) that I need to log in as root to gain
the privelege of deleting the deleted users' home folders (ah, yes, now
I see...deleting stuff that belongs to a user whose existence has
already been deleted...I'm sure there's a point to all this, but I
confess I do struggle sometimes*).

Armed with this knowledge, I duly (I believe) followed the instructions
for logging in as root contained in KB doc 106290. I launched NetInfo
Manager, logged in with my Admin password, but at the bit where it says:
Choose Domain->Security->Enable Root User, I got a bit stuck. 

As you may have guessed by now, I'm no UNIX geek. In fact, I'm worse:
I've discovered to my horror that I can't even use a computer *at all*
these days. Not even a Mac, for Christ's sake (although, 'in the day', I
majored - MAJORED, I tell you - in AmigaDos). The proof of this awful
revelation is contained in the humiliating paragraph which I append
below. I hereby post it, thus casting it in Google stone so that I can
never, EVER, appear in cyber-public again, save in the guise of a
hair-shirted noob. Ah, well...

It's a simple mistake, really: I just can't *find* the "Domain"
folder/directory. Or anything in the directory list which leads to a
directory named "Security". And I know this is faintly absurd, but it's
been a long day, and I'm tired of looking, so...

So could some kind person please divest me of my cluelessness. In this
respect at least. Tell me where the "Domain" folder is. Or tell me how
else I can log in as root. Or just tell me (draw me a diagram, for
pity's sake) how I can delete the now useless folders of now useless
deleted users. If you do but this one thing for me, I promise I won't
bother you again. Ever.

Though if I ever do, it'll probably be in the guise a top-posting
robo-man. It's powerful, is this cluelessness stuff: I'm sure it won't
just end at my not being able to find or delete folders.

Oh, and <Basil Fawlty>Thank you UNIX...*shakes fist maniacally at
imagined deity*...thank you so bloody, BLOODY much!</Basil Fawlty>

No, really. Thanks.

*Yes, I can see the perfectly sound reason for this behaviour. But I
just don't *want* to see it at the moment, ta very much.				

James Dore

Re: [OT-FUN] Born Free

Fri, 16 May 2003 13:35:11 +0000 (UTC)

In article <>, 
tmuething says...
> Enough wrote:
> > 
> > Compalints to:
> I'm not sure what a "compalint" is, but I'll ask t-online.

Would the pair of you put your handbags away and go and have a nice 
quiet wank?



Re: First Direct non-compliance

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 02:03:19 +0100

I was very disappointed to see this sign in the doorway when I walked
into the recently refurbished branch of my bank, Gotchermunny &

Our new branch design uses a technology known as "krazy steps" which
requires full walking and standing ability, and excellent balancing
skills. Unfortunately, "krazy steps" are not currently recommended to be
used by the elderly, infirm or pregnant, or by those who prefer to stand
on solid ground whilst conversing with bank staff. 

We recommend the following abilities:

        ?       Young, fit, regular exerciser. Preferably white, male,
        ?       Footwear: Clarks® flat soled shoes or boots**. Maximum
heel height: 0.5". (Recommend base of heel 1" square). Laces, not
        ?       Two legs, fully functioning. No gammy knees or recent
DIY accident victims.
        ?       Excellent balancing skills under conditions of vigorous
tilting and shaking.

Please note: Wheelchair users are not catered for. 

*If you are over 25 you must provide proof of regular excercise.

**The latest shoes are available from Clarks in your local High Street.
Any fitting difficulties should be referred to Clarks in the first
"Life's one long catwalk"® is a registered trademark of Clarks Footwear
in the UK and/or other countries.


D.M. Procida

Re: Does the G5 iMac come with installation CD's

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 17:05:11 +0100

Richard P. Grant wrote:

> > (Re-installation to be precise)
> You know, if you're going to do this every time you ask a question,
> you're going to get completely ignored.
> Use a real name.

Is this the same person? I haven't even been bothering to read these
messages. If I'm in a good mood I might stop to help out someone with a
missing name and address. If I'm in a bad mood I also ignore people with
munged addresses and cute names. If I'm in a really bad mood I unleash
my minions, armed with poisoned spears and hellfire, to destroy such
persons. If I'm in a really really bad mood I go out of my way to ignore
them, just as God does.