Richard P Grant and his BioLOG (biolog); the wee blog, weblog, or web blog; things not necessarily biology related. The anti-blogger.


23 February 2013

Standard Model

As Tyrant for Life at Occam’s Typewriter one of my responsibilities is to keep an eye on the goings-on over at our outpost in the Gamma Quadrant. So it was that on Thursday lunchtime that I was catching up on the comment thread of Stephen’s latest post. Something there caught my eye, and in five or ten minutes I’d used that inspiration to scribble the following poem.

Standard Model

When a proton
   In desperation
First grabbed an electron
   And gave unwittingly
To an undiscovered country
   Stars and water and airships
Did it feel
   In some quark-like fashion
The same primal urge
   That keeps my heart
In orbit
   Around the sun of you?

Filed under: Poems — Tags: , , , , , — rpg @ 20:13

27 January 2013

Ode to a haggis

Great steaming lump of sausage meat
It’s you we’ve all come here to eat;
Your oats and pepper, something sweet—
   What is that smell?
Perhaps a hint of runner’s feet?
   I cannot tell.

The neeps and tatties on the plate
Are our two veg, it is their fate.
But you’re the course for which we wait—
   We’re all agog
As on a nervous lover’s date
   With lots of grog!

Mister MacSween has done his best;
We went to Waitrose for the rest:
No need for a genetic test
   Of any course:
No GMO or turkey breast
   Or Tesco horse.

Forget your sorrows and your woe
And let the amber liquids flow:
There really is no need to know
   What the bag is.
I’ll end it now, my tell and show:
   Eat the haggis!

Filed under: Poems — Tags: — rpg @ 9:17

9 January 2013

A Christmas Fantasy

In the post-Christmas languor
    Approaching the New Year—
Heart and belly sated
    Full with seasonal cheer—
While bagging up the gift-wrap,
    Under a pile of mail
I glimpsed a red-trimmed postcard:
    Orvis having a sale.

Under the pizza leaflets,
    Envelopes for the poor,
Local IT repair firms—
    All offered through my door;
Proclaimed the Orvis postcard
    (I’m sure it said, I swore!),
For sale: hundreds of poems,
    All “at half-price or more.”

“What are these wondrous tidings?”
    I said, and in my haste,
Pulled on my boots and raincoat,
    “There is no time to waste!
I’ll go straight to Dover Street
    To find this sacred store,
There to buy us some poems
    All for half-price or more.”

In my granddad’s day, he got
    A sonnet for his daughter.
Even then they were not cheap—
    Sixpence for a quarter.
But he would be shocked to see
    At the Orvis store,
Poems of all size and shapes
    For sale; half-price or more.

In my mind I saw it clear:
    New poems by the pound!
Finely graded, freshly picked,
    In spoonfuls heaped and round.
Or, perhaps, they’d sell by length,
    Laid out across the floor:
I’d get three yards of sonnet
    And pay half-price or more.

I’d try all their limericks
    And even haikus too—
And to the fair assistant,
    I’d say, “And one for you?”
I’d hurry then, and take the card
    (‘Cause it would be a mess
If what they really meant to say
    Wasn’t “half-price or less”).

As I reached to take the card,
    My hand upon the door,
A pizza leaflet shifted;
    I saw the line once more:
An ‘i’ and ‘t’ were covered—
    Not ‘poems’ at the store—
It read “Hundreds of items
    All at half-price or more.”

Dashed was my Christmas vision—
    There was no sacred store
With yards and heaps of sonnets
    And verses on the floor.
Curse your eight-pointed snowflakes!
    (Your grammar’s also poor.)
Yet still I’ll dream of poems
    Hundreds: half-price, or more.


Bah humbug.

Filed under: Poems — Tags: , — rpg @ 9:59

24 December 2009

Poems in 140 characters #4

This is called “I remember“:

A cold, wet night, by candlelight—
Our love as strong as death—
Your soft, warm thighs and soul-dark eyes
Sweet wine upon your breath.

Filed under: Poems — rpg @ 4:58

17 December 2009

Poems in 140 characters #3

‘This train is destined for Wembley Park’
No more illusion of free will
But destiny’s arrow missed its mark:
We jumped ship at Dollis Hill

The first line is an exact quote from a platform announcer on the Jubilee Line. We were held at Southwark and he wibbled on in a very plummy voice for about five minutes. But that line stuck in my memory. See my twitter feed.

Filed under: Poems — rpg @ 20:35

17 October 2009

Poems in 140 characters #2

Tesco: if what we want isn’t there
How can you expect us to buy it?
That length of shelf is always bare
But stocked items sell best. Try it.

Dedicated to a friend who is perpetually looking for Jamie Oliver spaghetti.

Filed under: Poems — Tags: , — rpg @ 8:34

13 August 2009

Poems in 140 characters

Streams of suits and frenetic fuss;
We’d all be screwed if not for the bus.
Signal failures our fates assign:
Severe delays on the Jubilee Line.

See it on Twitter: I had to remove punctuation to get 140 chars.

Filed under: Poems — Tags: , — rpg @ 20:57


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